Words matter in our efforts to keep children safe

May 12, 2022  |  By Marcie Hambrick

The news has taken notice that some are misusing a word that is important to protecting children from the risk of experiencing child sexual abuse.  At Prevent Child Abuse Vermont, we want to help parents know how to protect children, so it is important that miscommunication be avoided.  

This article will help you know what the word “grooming” really means and help you keep your child(ren) safe and healthy.

Families, neighborhoods, schools, and other organizations that work with children can do a lot to keep children safe from grooming. 

Grooming is a tactic that adults use to gain access to a child to harm them. It is most often a gradual process in which a person who has previously been seen as trustworthy begins to cross minor boundaries with children. Some examples would be telling adult-content jokes to children or in the presence of children, talking about adult intimate relationships to children or in the presence of children, or touching children in ways that make others feel uncomfortable or in ways that do not respect the child’s wishes.  

If any adult witnesses these kinds of boundary violations, they can take action by talking to the person who crossed a boundary to tell them that it isn’t okay. After a conversation like this, it is important to observe the adult’s behavior. Grooming behaviors escalate and worsen over time. 

If you see boundary violations continuing, another action could be to report what you saw to others in the family or in the organization to be certain that only adults with healthy boundaries toward children have access to chilcren. Additionally, adults can check in with children to let them know that adults with inappropriate boundaries will not be allowed around them. Taking steps like these can really save a child from this kind of trauma.

Research indicates that adults who speak openly with children about sexuality in health-based language are not grooming.  In fact, open communication with children, according to their developmental phase, on this topic has been shown to reduce sexual abuse! One example of this is that when professionals or family members answer children’s questions about their bodies and provide them with the anatomically correct names for their body parts, this makes them safer. Another example is that when schools have inclusive curricula that educate students about how to respect all classmates including those who identify as LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer), all students report they feel safer.  

It does not keep children safer when we label adults who educate children on these topics as “groomers.”  Firstly, it is not a correct use of the term and also it could shut down conversation between a child and a trusted, protective adult, which would not be good prevention.  

Let’s all use the word, “grooming,” correctly in order to better protect children from child sexual abuse. As parents and other caring adults, we can take action to prevent people from crossing boundaries and also encourage all adults to answer children’s questions about their bodies, sexuality, and healthy relationships with developmentally appropriate, health-based information that keeps them safer.

If you want to learn more, think about attending one of our virtual trainings. A recommended guidebook is Protecting Children from Sexual Abuse: A Guide for Parents and Caregivers. 

Marcie Hambrick, PhD, MSW, is director of Child Sexual Abuse Prevention at Prevent Child Abuse Vermont. It website has more information. Call the Vermont Parent Helpline 1-800-CHILDREN, Monday-Friday 8:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. with questions.